@gobmentcheese: I've worked at my job for 7 years & my boss still hasn't noticed that I only give Magic 8-Ball responses to all of his questions.
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@velvettusk: My dog is coming home from surgery today and I hope he did ok. He can’t afford another malpractice suit.
@BuckyIsotope: Oh we're halfway there Oh oh running from a bear I pushed you down Accidentally I swear Oh oh eaten by a bear You were eaten by a bear
@KeetPotato: technology has now advanced so far i can no longer tell the difference between people using hands-free earphones and people on drugs
@krisv_723: If we've gone swimming together you can be certain that at some point you've swam through my pee