@BuckyIsotope

Jack and Jill went up the hill
To fetch an ounce of ganja
Jack lit up and took a puff
And Jill cuffed him. She was DEA. Jack died in prison.

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@jwoodham

FINALS TIP: Create a reward system to help you study. For example, if you spend 1 hour studying, reward yourself with 72 hours of Netflix.

@tweetsbyrocket

advisor: sire, the kingdom is in chaos, the streets ravaged with crime, surely you can spare so-

king: NO. the egg needs ALL my men

@ddsmidt

When my hairdresser asked me if I intentionally styled my hair like that, I panicked.

I told her someone jumped me in the parking and styled it. I’m a quick thinker you know.

@zachreinert03

A lot of people look at Russian roulette as a negative game, but statistically it’s actually one of the only games you can’t lose twice

@Zombie_Kitv2

Startled by the sound of my own washing machine, yet convinced I’d be a badass in any apocalypse.

@SMVidaurri

Just so everyone knows: The bank shut down my debit card because it suspected fraudulent activity and the purchase I had to review was two tickets to see CATS