@ClichedOut

James Blunt: you’re beautiful

James Blunter: I’ve seen better

You Might Also Like

@OtherDanOBrien

Tomi Lahren is pretty confident for a person whose first and last names are both misspelled

@ShortSleeveSuit

INTERVIEWER: nice to meet you, why don’t you have a seat

ME: omg was I supposed to bring one

@JonasPolsky

Getting white carpet installed, then inviting everyone over for a spaghetti sauce and red wine party.

@lazy_joe_

“Yes, waiter, why does it say “there ain’t no rats in it” next to the lasagna?”:
Cause there ain’t no rats in it
“But why woul
AIN’T NO RATS

@bartandsoul

If you’re not sure if a woman is pregnant or not, go ahead and ask her how far along she is in order to clear things up

@RobDenBleyker

If we weren’t able to stop Bieber Fever I seriously doubt America can stop an Ebola epidemic.

@lisaxy424

Going to sleep: It’s so cold in here, I’m totally wearing these socks to bed

Middle of the night: GET THESE DEVIL FOOT GLOVES OFF ME

@ArfMeasures

Paramedic: *frantically beating his fist on my chest*

2nd paramedic: Tom…TOM…*grabs him* you can stop, he’s dead

Paramedic: I know, I just *exhales* hated him

@davidleecourt

Fitbit says it’s time to chase another victim through the cornfield.