Pretty sure my baby thinks the number after 10 is yay.
jane austen: *experiences pride and prejudice* hmm i think i’ll write a book about this
j.d. salinger: *catches some rye* yeah same
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*robs neighbor’s chicken coop*
*serves poached eggs*
I have laryngitis, and my kids have never been happier.
Spell check is for lasers.
I put the “ate” in chocolate.
If you’re going to suffocate someone with a pillow, have the goddamn decency to use the cool side.
Behind every HD picture of a girl, there is a
friendzoned DSLR photographer boy 😛
Easy there, Jedi. Convincing me to add wings to my pizza order isn’t a mind trick.
My New Years resolution was to not have any sex.
So what’s your secret?
~People that don’t understand how secrets work.