[Sesame Street casting]
Exec: ok, what kid role models do we have
A grouch, cookie addict, and 2 jobless roommates
Exec: Nice, let’s roll
Jehovah Witnesses are excited because now they Know y’all are gonna be home when they come knocking on the door.
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*gf breaks up w/ me*
me: [running on platform alongside train as she rides away]
IS IT BECAUSE I SAY EX-SQUEEZE-ME INSTEAD OF EXCUSE ME?
Frenchmen, still hiding inside The Statue of Liberty: soon.
me: ok this isn’t that bad
[12 hours later]
me: hello dominos it’s me again can u have terry stop by the ice cream store on his way here
Establish dominance at the dentist by hitting them with a rock and asking if THAT is comfortable.
*clicks on video called How to Cut a Pineaple* This is what I need
Video (32:56): The pineapple first appeared in South America over 500 ye
There’s no way that Cinderella was treated like shit her entire life, then a prince tells her he loves her & she wasn’t like “yeah right.”
Sir Im sorry I rear ended you but I was focused on not accidentally eating a purple jelly bean and you’re handling this really insensitively
1969: i bet in 50 yrs, we’ll have a colony on Mars, & flying cars.