me: How many calls do I get?
me: What do you think is more likely? a lawyer delivering pizza or a dominos providing legal counsel?
JERY: Maybe you can just go back
TERESA MAY: go back ?
JERY: Ya. pretend brexit never happened.
MAY: you mean just walk into the EU meeting on Monday morning like it never hapened?
JERY: Sure. People dont take england seriously
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[playing with a Ouija board with my dog]
Board: B A L L
Me: I know that’s you moving it! Stop!
Board: T R E A T S
50% off moms tomorrow!
I’m 14 shows into the 1st season of ‘Lost’ & there are SO many mysteries.
I sure hope someone finds out where Sawyer plugs in his flat iron
Cop: This is a ticket for drunk and disorderly behavior.
Me: Can I have another? I’d like to bring a guest.
friend: how did the neck surgery go?
me: i honestly haven’t looked back since.
Me: I bet you say that to all the girls
When I was growing up, my mum was always saying “you can do it!”
Like when I was asking who was cooking dinner for example
me: i’ll have the steak
waiter: this is a vegan restaurant
me: ok i’ll have the vegan
Dylan Thomas: Do not go gentle into that good night… Rage, rage against the dying of the light…
*cut to me already Hulk-smashing a lamp