JERY: Maybe you can just go back

TERESA MAY: go back ?

JERY: Ya. pretend brexit never happened.

MAY: you mean just walk into the EU meeting on Monday morning like it never hapened?

JERY: Sure. People dont take england seriously

You Might Also Like


me: How many calls do I get?
cop: one
me: What do you think is more likely? a lawyer delivering pizza or a dominos providing legal counsel?


[playing with a Ouija board with my dog]

Board: B A L L

Me: I know that’s you moving it! Stop!

Board: T R E A T S


I’m 14 shows into the 1st season of ‘Lost’ & there are SO many mysteries.
I sure hope someone finds out where Sawyer plugs in his flat iron


Cop: This is a ticket for drunk and disorderly behavior.
Me: Can I have another? I’d like to bring a guest.


friend: how did the neck surgery go?

me: i honestly haven’t looked back since.


When I was growing up, my mum was always saying “you can do it!”

Like when I was asking who was cooking dinner for example


me: i’ll have the steak

waiter: this is a vegan restaurant

me: ok i’ll have the vegan


Dylan Thomas: Do not go gentle into that good night… Rage, rage against the dying of the light…

*cut to me already Hulk-smashing a lamp