@VerifiedDrunk: Jesus is all like eat my body, drink my blood and I'm all like dude, I only like you as a friend.
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@rockymomax: PILOT: sorry for the delay, everyone. we'll make up some time in the air [1 hr later] PILOT: it is now 67:91 o’clock guys
@KateWhineHall: "We only had 5 channels and no remote" is the new "I walked uphill both ways, barefoot to school when I was a kid."
@LoveNLunchmeat: When you have the opportunity to become a bigger person, take it because cake is delicious.
@Browtweaten: Widow: I remember how he always drank eight glasses of water a day Guy at crematorium across town: WHY ISN'T THIS GUY BURNING