@VerifiedDrunk: Jesus is all like eat my body, drink my blood and I'm all like dude, I only like you as a friend.
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@ChaseMit: "I Knew You Were Trouble When You Walked In" is my favorite Taylor Swift song about a racist shop owner.
@FrazzleMyGimp: ME: What are you in for? CELLMATE: Money laundering. ME: *lights a cig and takes a long drag* Always check your pockets before washing your clothes.
@Swishergirl24: Hi everyone! Welcome to AA. This is a "judgment free" zone...unless we're talking about Janice who ate all the cookies last week.
@NickSwardson: Thank god 4 the guy at the bar yelling "YOU GOTTA CATCH THAT!!!" when a receiver drops the ball. Had no idea he was supposed to catch it.