@unmehlievable: Netflix and explain what's happening and who that guy is?

@bridger_w: Guy in the dressing room next to mine: "I don't want to get blood on these pants." I want to reply, "Then stay out of my way on the catwalk"

@LaqueefaTeen: No, I didn’t get the flu shot. I just make sure to avoid people from October into April.

@bngzyface: *First day as therapist* Me: Stop that.

@girlontapas: Red light special: that smug look that you give the driver who was speeding and cut you off then ended up beside you at the red light.