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@TheDailySchmuck: Jesus: *resurrected*
Mary Magdalene: I have a boyfriend.
@AmnesiaRose: Yes you impress me. But so does a squirrel crossing a telephone wire.
@TitansHomer: Criminal Tip:
Buy a gun from a guy off the streets.
As soon as he sells it to you, point it at him & get your $$ back.
@Vodkantots: Looking for someone to shovel my snow while dressed as a stormtrooper.
@MUMSIEesq: Give them a Cheesecake Factory gift card this holiday season so they know you "grocery store checkout line" love them
@captainkalvis: Priest: I will now dip the child in the Holy Water
Me (just watched a hot dog eating contest): That makes em go down your throat faster