Anytime a religious organization follows me I just assume I’m being used as a case study/example and they are praying super hard.
[jim henson reveals kermit the frog for 1st time]
jim: “what do you think?”
me: “i mean have you ever seen a frog?”
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Him: Mm girl, back that ass up.
Me: Like on iCloud or something?
I’m a real gym rat (i go there at night and eat their garbage)
Bae: Are you coming over?
Me: Yes, I’m coming over.
– Me and Bae having CB Radio sex
rt if you would follow her
SAURON: I shall create three rings for the elves, seven for the dwarf lords and nine for mortal men
HOBBITS: wow ok none for us cool
SAURON: and thus I shall have dominion over all the civilised races of middle earth
Me rushing back from the bathroom at 3 am so I dont lose any tiredness
Gurt: Hey guys, what should we call this new dairy snack?
Keith: Yo Gurt, I have an idea.
Gurt: Dude, you’re a genius.
Listen guys, if a 5yo comes up to you and asks if it’s true that zombies won’t eat kids who eat their broccoli, BACK ME UP, DAMN IT.
Everything my three year old says is like listening to a weird roommate describe their LSD dreams.