@OctopusCavemann: St. Peter: Welcome to Heaven Me: Wow! An open bar! St. Peter: You have to be dead 21 years to drink Me: *slips him a fake ID* St. Peter: Enjoy yourself Mr. Grunge Music

@joshgondelman: "Why am I not asleep?" he thought, while shining a beam of pure information directly into his eyes from eight inches away.

@KyleMcDowell86: Juror:We find the defendant- *pizza guy bursts in* "Ive got 2 pizzas for Not Guilty" Defendant: Im Not Guilty Judge:NOT GUILTY *bangs gavel*

@osno13: i always carry a condom in my wallet incase i can't finish my corndog

@withanewname: Put your right leg in, Put your right leg in, Put your right leg in, Put your right leg in, Put your right leg out, Put -spider hokey pokey