I loved Prince, and in my opinion, Michael Jackson was pale in comparison.
Sir, it says here you’re part of a small group of criminals that primarily kills interviewersoohhhhmygod
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BAD LUCK LUKE
My toddler just said “Knock knock, who’s there” then slapped me in the face and said “it’s me”
*avoids eye contact until 10 ft from friend
*keeps avoiding eye contact
*walks by friend
*hears friend calling name
*breaks into a run
You might be “street-smart” but you’re “everywhere-else-stupid”.
Sex is a lot like Twin Peaks: I’m not 100% sure what’s going on, but I like it.
you tellin me a shrimp fried this rice
if you like christmas so much why don’t you merry it
I’ve never related to a meme more in my life #gradschool
microwave: gonna cook it
me: no please. just defrost the chicken.
microwave: ok i’ll do both