Sometimes I’ll casually say “what else do you want?” on the phone, so the pizza guy thinks I’m ordering for more than just me.
That’s all. Have any questions for us?
“Yes, did Air Bud get to use the team bathroom, or did they make him go outside?”
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When I go out in public with my brother; people think he is my boyfriend, which is crazy because we broke up over 12 years ago.
I understand why there were reindeer named Dasher, Dancer and Prancer, but how did Vixen earn her name. What is Santa hiding
Tweets got stolen.
* Everybody looks at the new black dude following *
Straight women in lesbian bars think everyone wants them when we’re really just staring because we can’t figure out whose ex you are.
The bank robbery would have ended much better for me if I hadn’t stopped on the way out at the ATM to deposit the money.
LIFE HACK tell the hotel you forgot your toothbrush. They don’t even check, they just give you a brand new one!!! It’s so sweet
[1st ppl to go camping]
wife: what do u wanna do this week?
hubs: luxury cruise?
h: nice hotel?
h: pretend to be homeless