@BuckyIsotope: Joe Biden is in the White House kitchen right now licking every piece of silverware and putting them back in the drawer
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@HousewifeOfHell: ...and when you saw 3 sets of footprints in the sand, that's when it took the entire Holy Trinity to carry you after all those piña coladas.
@justokdane: God: got bears? Noah: Yup God: got birds? Noah: Ya God: Unicorns? Noah: Um... the bears ate them God: WHAT Noah: IT'S A LOGISTICAL NIGHTMARE
@NOTVIKING: [first day as a train conductor] coworker: you the new guy? me: yeah, i guess you could say i’m in train-ing coworker: me: so far this job is off the rails coworker: me: so what do you guys do to let off steam coworker: [sighing] okay that one was pretty good
@living_marble: Technically, it's only cannibalism if you eat the top half of the mermaid, your honour.