Pro-tip to avoid corona-virus
Lots of garlic.
It won’t do anything against the virus, but it will keep other people away.
Jogging in place at a crosswalk makes you
C) what I did there
You Might Also Like
OK, time to put up the tree and spend the next six weeks scolding the cat for playing with the dangly remarkably-cat-toy-like ornaments.
I don’t come into YOUR bathroom and tell YOU how to tweet.
friend: “we should have a drink sometime”
*never contacts them again*
Me: I need to see a supervisor
Hat Shop Employee: Excellent choice, Ma’am
He died doing what he loved, surprising tigers.
date: I’m sick of bad boys, I want something more
me: *puts Bad Boys 2 into the VCR* this is gunna blow your mind
My new favorite thing on Twitter is this three-year feud between Wendy’s and a cabbage account