I’m sorry I asked if your toddler is a skinhead, but in my defense he is bald and always disproportionately angry.
John: Hey Jude…
Paul: Don’t make it bad
George: Take a sad song…
Ringo: So weird how coffee is yummy hot or cold but gross in-between
You Might Also Like
I swear I can hear Google sigh every time I start typing in their search bar.
Rachel Ray now makes cat food with real beef just like the cows my cat would eat in the wild.
I wish my car could put its hands in its pockets and whistle when I drive by a cop.
My wife’s fish net stockings are so tight that my legs look like wafer cookies when I take them off.
[in car on a road trip]
Me (checks clock): 5:07
*reads for a bit*
*searches for radio station*
*eats a snack*
*knits a sweater*
Me (checks clock): 5:08
Demi Lovato is my favorite singer that is half human, half Lovato.
Ever wonder why we call it a period and not that time of the paragraph?
“I think this ice cream is spoiled.”
*me drunk, eating mayonnaise*
You walk into my bedroom…
I’m laying naked with a platter of nachos on my chest.
You get punched while trying to take some of my nachos.