@SaHreports
@okimstillhungry *1st day in hell*
Devil: So you just sit in this room and people give you gifts
Me: Oh nice
Devil: And you have to react to each one
Me: NO
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@okimstillhungry 
@Shenaniglenns Stacy: Come over!
Me: Okay!
Stacy: My mom isn’t home.
Me: Nevermind.
@MrsMikePatton God, grant me serenity to accept that people are ignorant, courage to uphold the law when I’m hostile & wisdom to realize murder is illegal.
@highwayhooligan I eat boiled eggs, cabbage, and baked beans before the in-laws visit. They never stay long.
@FlyJ_ I still don’t understand why my boss didn’t like my idea of playing musical chairs at our next Monday meeting. He asked us for new ideas.
@metickleu I choose my underwear for the day based on how likely I am to have sex.
Today I’m wearing a used grocery bag I found floating across the highway.
@Lhlodder Them: What inspires you to get up every day and get out of bed?
Me: My bladder mostly.
@DaddyJew Cop: license and registration
Me: that won’t be necessary officer
*places a glazed donut in his pocket
@MissNaughty1801 CW:my husband doesn’t understand me at all. What about yours?
Me:I wouldn’t know… I don’t talk to him about you…
@KevinFarzad If you love someone let them go. If they come back they probly forgot their keys or something & yikes that’s gonna be an awkward 30 seconds.