*1st day in hell*
Devil: So you just sit in this room and people give you gifts
Me: Oh nice
Devil: And you have to react to each one
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Stacy: Come over!
Stacy: My mom isn’t home.
God, grant me serenity to accept that people are ignorant, courage to uphold the law when I’m hostile & wisdom to realize murder is illegal.
I eat boiled eggs, cabbage, and baked beans before the in-laws visit. They never stay long.
I still don’t understand why my boss didn’t like my idea of playing musical chairs at our next Monday meeting. He asked us for new ideas.
I choose my underwear for the day based on how likely I am to have sex.
Today I’m wearing a used grocery bag I found floating across the highway.
Them: What inspires you to get up every day and get out of bed?
Me: My bladder mostly.
Cop: license and registration
Me: that won’t be necessary officer
*places a glazed donut in his pocket
CW:my husband doesn’t understand me at all. What about yours?
Me:I wouldn’t know… I don’t talk to him about you…
If you love someone let them go. If they come back they probly forgot their keys or something & yikes that’s gonna be an awkward 30 seconds.