@SaHreports

#JohnTravolta

You Might Also Like

@okimstillhungry

*1st day in hell*
Devil: So you just sit in this room and people give you gifts
Me: Oh nice
Devil: And you have to react to each one
Me: NO

@MrsMikePatton

God, grant me serenity to accept that people are ignorant, courage to uphold the law when I’m hostile & wisdom to realize murder is illegal.

@highwayhooligan

I eat boiled eggs, cabbage, and baked beans before the in-laws visit. They never stay long.

@FlyJ_

I still don’t understand why my boss didn’t like my idea of playing musical chairs at our next Monday meeting. He asked us for new ideas.

@metickleu

I choose my underwear for the day based on how likely I am to have sex.
Today I’m wearing a used grocery bag I found floating across the highway.

@Lhlodder

Them: What inspires you to get up every day and get out of bed?

Me: My bladder mostly.

@DaddyJew

Cop: license and registration

Me: that won’t be necessary officer

*places a glazed donut in his pocket

@MissNaughty1801

CW:my husband doesn’t understand me at all. What about yours?
Me:I wouldn’t know… I don’t talk to him about you…

@KevinFarzad

If you love someone let them go. If they come back they probly forgot their keys or something & yikes that’s gonna be an awkward 30 seconds.