Joker: You’re endangering a minor
Batman: He’s my partner
Joker: Why’s he in his underwear?
Batman: So we match. Look, this isn’t about me.

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This guys talking about “Calm down, everything happens for a reason”. Then he gets all angry when I punch him in the face. What a hypocrite.


The Force can make you lift a spaceship out of the swamp, but proper sentence structure teaching, it can not.


Some would call it a well set out plan for the future.

The judge, however called it compelling evidence

*eye roll*


[sorting hat sorting hat ceremony]

sorting hat *wearing hat*: not durmstang please not durmstang

smaller sorting hat: HOGWARTS!


Forget a beach bod I want a bat’s bod give me giant fangs and the long, leathery wings I need to rule the night


I put a Samsung Galaxy Note 7 inside a Samsung washing machine and now I own a nuclear warhead.


if anyone starts quoting the bible to you, a funny thing to yell is “NO SPOILERS I HAVEN’T READ IT YET”


I’ve been eating healthy, so it’s not the best time to confront me on something trivial.


On the 5th day, god was hungover & didn’t feel up to much so he created worms, shoelaces & spaghetti, then punched out just after 1pm.


Charlie And The Chocolate Factory is my favourite book about a weird guy who murders four children then convinces another to live with him.