Is it wrong when your therapist invites other therapists to your session, wine is flowing, appetizers are served, and he says to you, begin?
Judge: Good news, I’m reducing your sentence
Me: That’s gr
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Me: emphatic no; five letters
Me: pistol; three letters
Me: disgust; three letters
Me: charity; four letters
Me: female sheep; three letters
Me: Pixar movie; two letters
this feels personal. why did she make this feel so personal
Life coach: don’t sweat the small stuff
Me: you mean like microscopic germs
Life coach: no you should probably worry about those
Me: choking hazards
Life coach: that’s not-
Me: killer bees
Life coach: *drinks from hip flask*
Interview tip: maintain eye contact. If they try to look at documents, put your head between them and the documents.
My cat and I made a best friend pact tonight. If I die first, he won’t eat my body. Or if he dies first, I won’t use his skull as a cup.
If you think you’re having a bad morning, my son is crying because his sock doesn’t feel right.
“I hope this makes them name a radioactive turtle after me” Michelangelo thought as he painted the Sistine Chapel “that would be hella rad”
british sex workers really pound for pound
Whoever spelled the word Receipt was a friggin idiopt