Lady walking her 2 dogs down the street.
Both her dogs poop in my yard.
I asked was she gonna pick it up.
She just looked at me and kept walking.
My question is this…
Was it wrong of me to pick it up myself?
Then throw it at her?
JUDGE: I sentence you to 2 consecutive life sentences
[60 yrs later: convict dies, is reincarnated]
COP: This baby camel is under arrest
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OFFICE CHRISTMAS PARTY
BOSS: I don’t know you. Do you work here?
ME: *sips wine* No.
HIM: So your wife does?
ME: *sips his wine* Again no.
Long distance relationships sucks 😳😳
Fridge you’re coming to my room.?
Does North Korea remember what happened the last time a country attacked Hawaii?
I am rarely judgmental, but I do scowl, and shake my head slowly in disapproval whenever I see a vegan biting its nails.
Ive just finished writing my first ever childrens novel. It’s called ‘We’re poor because of you’.
Boss: “you’re fired”
Me: “I guess we’re just gonna have to agree to disagree”
[using ouija board]
“what the hell?”
[everyone is suddenly carrying like 8 different guns]
Noah: How will the animals reproduce?
God: You took a male & female, right?
Noah: YOU SAID BRING 2 YOU DIDN’T SAY 1 OF EACH SEX
Never thought I’d have to know a guy who knows a guy to buy toilet paper.