“hey we use animals for literally everything else in our lives. lets use our feet for cars.” idiot flintstones. no wonder you’re extinct.
jus found out the B in lgtbq+ stands for Bisexual & not Bible … losing hope in humanity .. but i still feel safe knowing the L stands for Lord .. the G .. for God .. the T for The catholic church .. and the Q for Quality time praying
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Cop: you know why I pulled you over?
Me: You thought I was black?
Cop: Haha. Yep. You’re free to go sir
What was that movie where the guy shrunk his kids then told his wife about it
*rides in on giant turtle*
Me:Sorry I’m late.
Boss:You rode that to work?
Me:No, went to the zoo.
Me:That’ll be the zoo.
The First Step in AAA is admitting your car has a problem.
*logs onto Facebook*
*sees 347 ultrasound pictures*
*logs off forever*
When you search your kid’s backpack and find they have a project due tomorrow and wish you would have found drugs instead.
“So do you have any questions you’d like to ask me?”
Can I wait a week until I take the drug test?
Forced homeschooling has taught me I had way too many kids
Come at me bro!!
*guy rips off his shirt revealing bulging muscles
*I rip off my shirt revealing another shirt & run away