10 years later if Romeo and Juliet had lived:
Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo?
Sigh….trying to watch the game here Julie.
Just asked someone I thought was Gary Busey for an autograph.
She was not happy.
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it’s so annoying, guys want you to have crazy sex, but they don’t want you to be crazy
My dog has zero loyalty. You have a tennis ball? She’ll go home with you.
In her defense, I’ll do the same if you have carbs.
Me: Hey Mr. DJ, do you take requests?
M: Excellent, can you turn it down a bit.
Star Wars spoiler: Ross and Rachel end up together in the end.
If anything bites you, chain yourself in the basement for the next full moon. Just to be sure.
*things I learned from horrors
My husband is outside talking to people. Tonight, he will be outside sleeping.
Before we were married, my wife was like a tiger in the bedroom.
Now she’s more like a possum.
She plays dead whenever a snake approaches.
Bird: *standing in middle of road challenging me*
Me: *swerving and driving off cliff* you have won again bird
Security: Animals aren’t allowed in this art gallery, sir.
Me: It’s my guide dog.
Dog: Picasso, born 25/10/1881, was a Spanish painter…