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@gruffybeard: Just asked someone I thought was Gary Busey for an autograph.
She was not happy.
@SoVeryBritish: Still suddenly panicking that you haven't done your homework on Sunday evenings, despite being in your thirties
@TheHatdog: If you watch Scooby-Doo backwards its about some kids helping a business owner enter a costume contest then minding their own business.
@TheOnion: Area 8-Year-Old Formally Rescinds Hunger Complaint Following Mother’s Insulting Banana Offer
@Scdavis24: I emailed my ex-girlfriend "Are you still alive" and she emailed back "No" which made me sad but also excited that they have email in hell.
@generaldietz: me:*pulls chair out for date*
her: such a gentleman
my mom: *from back of restaurant* YOU'RE DOING GREAT HONEY! JUST LIKE WE PRACTICED!