I saw a dog taking a dump and I totally thought of you.
Just because I’ve forgiven you doesn’t mean I won’t want to throat punch you the next time I see you.
Thought you should know.
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DOES HOLY WATER WORK ON OBNOXIOUS CHILDREN
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My kid talks a lot of shit for someone who bites his finger whenever he eats fries
there there son
*crouches down & wipes his tears*
its ok, dont go crying over spilt mil– YOU GOT IT ON THE XBOX!? no NO. call 911. CALL 911
The noise Rice Krispies make in different languages, according to Wikipedia…
She didn’t believe I was single so I showed her my bathroom with the Metallica poster
Me: *lying nude on checkered blanket*
Him: “Where’s the food and why are you naked?”
Me: “Am I doing it wrong? This is my first picnic.”
Father: I love both my sons equally.
Max: I know that, dad.
Min: I have my doubts.