Felt sad when I heard Taylor Swift is now with Tom Hiddleston.
Apparently, my subconscious thought I had a chance with Tom Hiddleston.
Just bought a set of alphabet magnets for my fridge, so this may very well be my last tweet.
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Love is patient. Love is kind. Love has never been in a relationship apparently.
The fourth largest religion.
Me: [Eating pizza for breakfast]
Gym nerd: [pouring 8 flourescent powders into a gym bottle] I dunno how u can put that shit into your body
H: Do you like carpet or prefer it bare?
M: I’m OK with a little carpet of she shaves the rest
H: We’re talking about floors
M: HR again?
[4 y/o sticking charger into goldfish]
Me: WTF ARE YOU DOING
4 y/o: he died dad
4 y/o: …
Me: well hurry up my phone is at 9%
Him: I’m a big Star Wars nerd.
Me: Oh yeah, name one ewok.
me: i wish baguette was pronounced like spaghetti
I like to sit in the hotel hot tub with a bunch of potatoes, peas & carrots. I introduce myself as Stew.
A neighbour is blowing bubbles from their garden. Great, whimsical little flying blisters of plague.