@adamhess1: Just bumped into my old French teacher and she asked me what I'm up to now. I told her I go to the cinema and play football with my brother.
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@TrueTorontoGirl: Boss: Have I made myself clear? Me: No, I can still see you. Boss: Shakes head.
@AndrewNadeau0: {1st date} HER:What’s your favorite Disney movie? ME: *Worried this is a ploy to get me to share my pasta* NOT Lady & the Tramp.
@shadygrenade: Obama: Get Air Force One ready. Biden: OK! *runs off* Obama: The plane, not the movie. *Biden does 360* Biden: Yeah I know.
@egg_dog: [death row] Guard: Any last words? Me: [smugly] photosynthesis. Guard: … Me: it sounded longer in my head.
@NeinQuarterly: Eggs. Dyed for our sins.
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