Apparently, “Dude, that’s the best she’s EVER going to look” was not the type of objection to the marriage the priest was asking about.
Just by reading the Marilyn Monroe quote you’re already handling them at their worst
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why isn’t thunder called soundning
Every time I try to pick up chicks a description of my car ends up on the news.
Me: Was this product tested on animals?
Me: [outraged] I knew it!!!!
Clerk: Sir, that’s a dog leash.
– I’d like to make a reservation.
– Matthew McConaughey.
– Can you spell that for me?
Son: My pencil is stuck in this Spirograph.
Me: So, you’re having an exitstencil crisis?
Me:I’m having chest pain
Doc:Did you buy a new bra?
Me:Yes! Thanks for noticing!
Doc:I meant it could be causing the pain
A white man beaten with a wheel of Parmesan claims it was a hate crime. Cheese on cracker investigation begins.
Friend w/o kids: I’m planning a meditation retreat next month.
Me: One of my kids has been shaking a metal tin full of coins FOR AN HOUR.
[inventor of frisbee]
“I hate this plate”