@YoungNobler: Just checked weather. If anyone is curious what's in my wardrobe, find me tomorrow. I will be wearing every article of clothing I own.
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@cravin4: My wife asked if I wanted to go to a pig roast this summer but I've been fat shamed enough already this year.
@Probablyrad: Today's kids will never know how it felt to give your computer AIDS just for free music
@Eden_Eats: Cashier: Your total is $3,896 Me: Can you take off the replacement razor blades? Cashier: OK, that'll be $2.99
@dadopotamus: “What’s it like having a two year old boy?” *throws a toy car at his face* Like that.