Eventually, everyone will be quarantined to their houses with no sports to watch… and in 9 months from now a boom of babies will be born… and we will call them the coronials. #Coronials #Youhearditherefirst
Just discovered my 7yo wearing his underwear backwards again. Playing classical music while pregnant is bullshit.
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*hovers mouse over send button*
*is about to send*
*proofreads a third time*
*gets glass of water*
*proofreads once more*
*finally sends email*
*re-reads email just for good measure*
OH NO I SAID HITLER INSTEAD OF HELLO
A guy in line just asked me to hold his coffee and I’m like I’m not looking for anything serious right now.
My sister made pancakes and after devouring 5 of them, she tells me
“It rises in the yeast and sets in the waist” 🙆🏾♀️🙆🏾♀️
10: What does AF mean?
After Flossing. Now go brush your teeth and they will be clean AF.
Why do you ask?
10: Mom said you were lazy AF.
I did 1 single thing on my to-do list today which means now I get to watch 11 hours of TV
I’m so glad my kids have a 3-day weekend because that means I get an extra day of listening to them yell at Fortnite.
Nerdy trick. Impress your friends by taking cube roots in your head
Step 1: memorise the following:
Step 2: get a friend to take a calculator and enter a 2 digit number and then cube that number and tell you the answer
80% of being Donald Trump is just worrying that the wind will blow your weird combover in the wrong direction.
I smiled and waved at my neighbour so I bet the first thing she’ll do today is buy bedroom curtains.