@FurnessGirl

Just found out that A Tale of Two Cities was originally serialised in two local newspapers.

It was The Bicester Times, it was the Worcester Times.

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@jctwritesstuff

Him: It’s been like 30 years, I think you should let it go.
Me: It could still happen.
Him:
Me: [to my John Taylor Duran Duran poster] He’s just jealous.

@Dmvm1977

OMG! My boss has choked on his sandwich and stopped breathing!! Should I call an ambulance?

Its been 16hrs.. I didn’t wanna make a fuss.

@PinkCamoTO

Enter Sandman is my favourite song about why I don’t have sex on the beach.

@KDonhoops

No internet for 11 hours. I’ve written two novels, lost 15 pounds, and forgotten how to pronnounce “gif.”

@zarascottio

Don’t judge me for my race, don’t judge me for my gender.
Judge me because I’ve read all four of the Twilight books.

@ComedicBust

The older you get, the more you realize cancelled plans are better than sex.

@MottoMan_

Gyms closed. So this summer gone be about personality.

@TheBoydP

I’m at the age I don’t remember it’s my birthday but my wife makes me feel better by reminding me I’m at the age I don’t remember anything.