We all suspected Tide Pods were a gateway detergent. Sure, they seem innocent, but the next thing you know, you’re mainlining Lysol.
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I walk around in public saying “wait for me guys” so everyone thinks I have friends.
mermaids swim by twerking do you ever just think about that
It’s so frustrating when your hitman doesn’t answer the phone after you’ve made amends with someone
Not a catfish. Just behind on my lip waxing.
If Satan ever loses his hair, there’ll be hell toupee
The sun is a star. So technically it’s night all the time.
Wait… we’re supposed to be learning from our mistakes?!
Just checked FaceBook.. Apparently there are only 4 more days till the weekend.. I’ll keep you posted if anything changes guys
In the early hours, the hoarse retching of a cat with a hairball. First one out of bed has to clean up. My bladder is empty. Bring it.