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@lindarchilders

We all suspected Tide Pods were a gateway detergent. Sure, they seem innocent, but the next thing you know, you’re mainlining Lysol.

@Elizasoul80

I walk around in public saying “wait for me guys” so everyone thinks I have friends.

@Sean_Burgundy_

It’s so frustrating when your hitman doesn’t answer the phone after you’ve made amends with someone

@HrBry

Just checked FaceBook.. Apparently there are only 4 more days till the weekend.. I’ll keep you posted if anything changes guys

@HatfieldAnne

In the early hours, the hoarse retching of a cat with a hairball. First one out of bed has to clean up. My bladder is empty. Bring it.