I got fired from the church nursery for racing the babies.
Just heard a lady tell a 4yo to “get it together!” I’m not sure she knows how 4yos work.
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You may recognize me from such films as:
HR surveillance footage 11/13/12
HR surveillance footage 01/22/13
HR surveillance footage 02/28/13
Ex-Girlfriend: I heard you & your new girlfriend are having problems… Well, you’ve always got my number.
Me: Yes, is it still 666?
Is a fake boyfriend a placebeau?
“So why do you want to be a jeweler?”
ME(thinking about using that eye thing to appraise chicken nuggets): I love rubies
Did you hear about the documentary on volcanos, caves, and geysers?
It’s a hole series.
If my husband asks, we took a lit course together in college
Leave the past behind. Smile every day. Never wear underwear. I don’t know. Inspirational tweets are hard.
did you read dr seuss as a kid because green eggs and damn
Just called the number of a guy I met last night and a pizza place answered. I didn’t even know you could live in pizza places. I’m in love!