@noog: Just heard a little boy call his mom "mother," as if both had already accepted the fact that he'd become a serial killer some day.
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@OneWonderWoman: A facebook friend posted, "I'm not ashamed of Jesus." It took every single ounce of my willpower not to reply, "Uh oh. What did he do now?"
@daemonic3: ME: do you have a USB wire thingy so I can charge while driving my Honda? BEST BUY EMPLOYEE: a cord? ME: no, it's a Civic
@TheAlexP: Hey buddy, if you didn’t want me napping in your pet store you shouldn’t have sleeping rooms filled with puppies.
@weinerdog4life: All I'm saying is if I'm not allowed to give a monkey a gun at the zoo they should have a sign.