@thepunningman: Just how popey was the pope today?
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@10kbabyspiders: I probably would have won the bar fight had the gentleman not pinned down my flip flop and thrown off my footwork.
@TheAlexP: Married men aren't allowed to go the grocery store alone because we're the kid in the shopping cart, but with money
@simoncholland: The best thing to do with Christmas lights that don't work is put them back in the attic so they can frustrate you again next year.
@dafloydsta: ME: When Princess Leia kissed Luke, did you know they were brother and sister? GEORGE LUCAS: *laying in bed* How did you even get in here?