The kidnapper rang and said “£10,000 and you get your wife back”
“Negotiate with him!” advised the policeman
“£20,000 and she’s all yours”
Just once, I want someone to kick the guy grinning and waving behind the news reporter.
You Might Also Like
[two coworkers walk into my office]
Coworkers: Hey! It’s your two favorite people here to ask you a question!
If I saw 99 red balloons go by I’d probably just round it up to a hundred when I was telling people about it.
ME:WHY ARE YOU LEAVING ME? EVERYBODY LEAVES ME!
UBER DRIVER:This is where you wanted to be dropped off, right?
ME:*wiping away a tear* Yes.
Him: Why are you watching WWE all of a sudden?
Me: I’m trying to learn new holds for when I have to floss the kids’ teeth
Listerine, for when you feel like killing all 10,000 taste buds at once.
sorry I didn’t call the dog ate your phone number
LAWYER: So you unplugged your wife’s life support for five minutes?
COMPUTER TECH: Sometimes that works.
If “Bieber fever” is when a Bieber song comes on the radio & you start throwing up & stabbing yourself, then yes I had Bieber fever once.
MOVIE GUY: I’m not giving up. I’m going to win her affections no matter what!
WORLD: This is romantic and not troubling