Son: Dad is it true you named us after things you saw in the yard?
Dad: Yes we did, Hawk.
Grill: You could have looked around a bit.
Just once I’d like to meet a person whose job is to make captchas so I can slap him in the face for making my life difficult.
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Jesus: *holds up bread* This is my body
*holds up wine* This is my blood
And this is Sparta!
*kicks Judas into a pit*
? Cause the players gonna play play play
The haters gonna hate hate hate
Baby Im just gonna bottle it all up & develop severe trust issues ?
started a fight with my boyfriend because we were watching moulin rouge together and i asked him if he would kiss me if i contracted tuberculosis and he hesitated for 5 seconds
Give them a Cheesecake Factory gift card this holiday season so they know you “grocery store checkout line” love them
Fun Adult Game: put your keys down. walk out of room. now try and remember where your keys are
I’ll believe corporations are people when Texas executes one.
If you stop at a yellow light I’m going to assume you have something illegal in your car.
me *swallowing pride*
baby lion: holy shit
Dolly Madison should make snack cakes for diet “cheat days” and call them Ashley Madisons.