@T_Bonezzz: Just one time I wanna see The Bachelor get a cold sore
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@FannyB1tch: Was glancing through the Obituaries this morning and found it really creepy that all these people managed to die in alphabetical order.
@mommajessiec: If your child walks out of the bathroom with a cup of water, always ask where the water came from. I know this now.
@FloodyHippie: My cat was bitten by a squirrel and I have to suck the rabies out before she slips into a double cheese burger. --how I cancel dates