@WilliamAder: How Jesus was named: Mary: Joseph, I'm having a baby. Joseph: JESUS CHRIST!

@JennyJohnsonHi5: Snoop Dogg changed his name to Snoop Lion and says he's Bob Marley reincarnated, proving you can actually overdose on marijuana.

@gabemakesmusic: My 5 year plan is to get an amp for my bass. That fish sure does love his energy drinks

@Muggernaught: Alway be nice to anyone that has full unhindered access to your toothbrush.

@FredTaming: Me: You're leaving me again? Her: (packing) Me: Is it because I mix up the suffixes for ordinal numbers? Her: (walking downstairs) Me: ..my misuse of common sayings? Her: (opening door) Me: Come on, one more chance! Her: (car starting) Me, yelling: 5rd time's a charm!