@TheAndrewNadeau: Just realized the little piggy that went to market was NOT just going shopping so I’mma need to shut it down for a day.
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@BoogTweets: Me: *looks back at two sets of foot prints in the sand* Why didn’t you carry me back there? Jesus: You were stress eating during those times and got kind of umm… *holding arms out* you know… *puffs out cheeks*
@Jesssicle: Family dinner. I was halfway through my 2nd egg roll before I realized everyone else at the table had been praying for the last 7 minutes.
@Fred_Delicious: Doctor - "you've been bitten by a spider. Ever see that movie Spider-Man?" Me - "no?" Doctor - "and I'm afraid you never will. You're dying"