@TheAndrewNadeau: Just realized the little piggy that went to market was NOT just going shopping so I’mma need to shut it down for a day.
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@KeetPotato: [inventing mint choc-chip] me: "people love ice cream right?" boss: "yes they do" me: "people love chocolate chips?" boss: "i hear ya" me: "know what else people love?" boss: "hit me" me: "brushing their teeth"
@Swishergirl24: Divorce is never funny. Unless it’s happening to your ex who got engaged six weeks after you broke up.
@DrakeGatsby: Me: i feel like we don’t communicate as well lately Marriage Counselor: where’s your wife? Me: shit I forgot to tell her about this