@abhorrent_wife: Just ruined $387 worth of blinds in the house but that fly is dead.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@KrunkedRobot: Got drunk and did my taxes, i am getting back 1 zillion dollars, 2 slaves, and somehow the state of Rhode Island, this can't be right.
@Jmboyd58: *driving my date to the ER* I told you my possum doesn't like direct eye contact. This one is on you.
@ArfMeasures: Me: Then the robber came through the door holding a gun Cop: Was it a revolver? Me: No he just pushed it open and walked through like normal