I think as Canadians we’re so nice because we focus all our hatred on geese
Just said, “Because I said so!,” and my mom called demanding her royalty check.
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Not to brag but I used hand soap before it was trending.
“If you could be anyone, living or dead, who…”
Me – “dead”
People who have wheels on their office chair, how do you get any work done?
Her: I want to travel the world in the new year
Me: I can see the whole universe in your eyes..
Her: I WANT TO TRAVEL THE WORLD OKAY.
Send prayers. Laura on Facebook didn’t realize she was out of syrup until AFTER the pancakes were made! It’s causing quite a stir…
The seance was ruined when everyone realized that the only spirit speaking through me was vodka.
I learned German so I could sound angry about everything.
My liver’s so black, it went to a respected college, got a great job, and made it’s family very proud.
Weren’t expecting that, huh?
Me: I wouldn’t miss it for the world.
Friend: It was yesterday.