Don’t think you’re immune. We’re all just a whim away from singing “The Lion Sleeps Tonight.” Yes, a whim away…a whim away…a whim away.
Just saw a dog with three legs. He did have a fourth leg, but he also had three legs.
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Trainer: “ok, lets warm up 1st….wait, where are you going!?”
Me: “tanning bed”
squirrel mom: Remember what I told you
squirrel son: “Always look both ways before I finish crossing the street”
Made plans to exercise with a friend and now I have to go get in a car accident.
Me: Well hello again. I knew you’d be back. I seem to have that effect on people
Fed Ex: Just sign here so I can leave
Genuinely stunned France has adopted the word “wifi” rather than “le signal librement accessible sans l’utilisation de fils” or some shit.
I heard the iPhone 15 won’t have any ports or jacks or a screen and it will just be a smooth steel ball and finally we’ll all be happy.
Face it, wild horses could easily drag you away.
I mean, that miniature pony at the petting zoo could probably pull you for miles.
me: *pulling the covers up* five more minutes
nurse: sir if we don’t use the defibrillator now your heart will stop for good
[At job interview]
Interviewer: So tell me why you want this job.
Me: I have no money and I prefer when I have money.