@amanda_c_rae: Just saw a Facebook status that said “ironing boards are just surfboards that gave up their dreams and got real jobs” and I laughed out loud... Can’t tell if it’s funny or if I’m just overtired
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@copymama: Welcome to parenthood. Every piece of trash in your house is now a makeshift toy that you are not allowed to throw out.
@: snakes on a plane sequels: - snakes on a plane yes, again somehow - penguins on a pirate ship - dogs on parole - horses in a bad mood
@DVSblast: I HAVE DECIDED TO MAKE A CONSCIOUS DECISION NOT TO HAVE MY MIND "BLOWN" ANYMORE. IF DINOSAURS COME BACK & I SEE ONE I'LL JUST BE LIKE "GOOD"
@david8hughes: [inventing trees] Angel: what purpose do they serve? God: they give us oxygen. Also cats like to climb em Angel: can they climb back down? God [inventing the fire dept]: they cannot