[At a Restaurant]
Me : Hey waitress, can i ask about the Menu please
Waitress : The men i please is none of your business
Just stopped a monk from opening a flower shop.
Only YOU can prevent florist friars.
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I’m fat, so when I get mad, I get massive aggressive.
How to become a Saint
1: Become Catholic
2: Live an exemplary and pious life
3: Perform at least two miracles
Or…Just Be Kanye’s baby
Why do they even bother having different brands of milk?
Decided to plant some marijuana seeds in my vegetable garden hoping I could come up with some dope beets.
Tom work hard.
Tom need break.
Tom book Caribbean vacation.
Single: “Looking for sex”
In a relationship: “Having sex”
Married: “Not having sex”
It’s complicated: “Not having sex but my partner is”
It’s not called “Laura the Explorer” because if a little white girl gets lost in the woods, CNN shows up with the FBI.
“Oh, don’t use that picture of me, honey. Please, I look so old in that one. You must have a better picture.” -Whistler’s Mother
“I have no porpoise!” -existential marine biologist.