@SuSuSuDonym

Just stopped by my old high school and updated my phone number on all the bathroom stalls.

Just stopped by my old high school and updated my phone number on all the bathroom stalls.

- @SuSuSuDonym

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@_LittleMsBossy_

Apparently saying ‘exist over there’ while pointing is not the best way to greet people in the mornings.

@NicestHippo

“Your evolutionary biology thesis is rejected.”
Why?
“You added (lmao) every time you mentioned Homo Erectus.”

@Reverend_Scott

[Interview]
“You were arrested for armed robbery?”
I had no choice. It’s silly to try and rob a bank without your arms.
“We’ll be in touch.”

@radtoria

[intercom]
Please stop putting clown shoes on the sacrificial goat. The ritual is in 3 days & the other cults aren’t taking us seriously.

@Darlainky

I once brought great shame to my children by telling the drive-thru attendant I’d take as many ketchup packets as he could give me.

@Donna_McCoy

Inventor of the toaster:

How about something that makes bread warm and crunchy, but also doubles as a murder weapon?

@LindaInDisguise

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@meganamram

How good at basketball do you have to be to get a COVID test

@iAmJuddy

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