I like my women like I like my golf scores, in the 80’s with a slight handicap.
Just tell me which one is wrong, the password or the username!! Don’t make me have to guess.
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i always get gatorade and gasoline confused. my car is real good at sports and im dead
You’re my favorite person to yell at in all caps.
Not really a humane solution in my opinion
I don’t know who you are, but I will find you and I will kill you.
I took my dad to the gym with me today. The man clocks a mile on the treadmill before I could hit the Start button.
I’m not taking him with me again.
1. Put “Out of Order” sign on a staircase.
2. Wait until someone says, “Stairs can’t be out of order!” and uses them.
3. Release the bees.
I have to lose 20 lbs in 3 days. Piece of cake, I tell the waitress. Chocolate. Thanks.
(Avoids bear attack by spraying him in the face with Axe Body Spray)
Bear: *crying and coughing* Why?
8 [hugging me]: mummy you smell very good
Me [just showered]: aww thanks baby
8: not like before