Just tell me which one is wrong, the password or the username!! Don’t make me have to guess.

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I like my women like I like my golf scores, in the 80’s with a slight handicap.


i always get gatorade and gasoline confused. my car is real good at sports and im dead


I don’t know who you are, but I will find you and I will kill you.


I took my dad to the gym with me today. The man clocks a mile on the treadmill before I could hit the Start button.
I’m not taking him with me again.


1. Put “Out of Order” sign on a staircase.
2. Wait until someone says, “Stairs can’t be out of order!” and uses them.
3. Release the bees.


I have to lose 20 lbs in 3 days. Piece of cake, I tell the waitress. Chocolate. Thanks.


(Avoids bear attack by spraying him in the face with Axe Body Spray)
Bear: *crying and coughing* Why?


8 [hugging me]: mummy you smell very good

Me [just showered]: aww thanks baby

8: not like before