@VodkaShorebird: Just think, there is coming an entire generation of idiots who will wonder: "Why did they have a hashtag button on landline phones?"
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@SlipperySecret: Guy knocking on bathroom door after sex: I think I love you. Me stringing tampons together, making a rope to climb out the window: Okay....
@InternetHippo: [my cell phone rings] ME (a person who pays a monthly fee to allow this): Ugh why is this happening
@mstluvstrinkets: Is it against the law for postal workers to smile or was it my audacity to mail something?
@scrappy_momma: School supply list when I was a kid: *crayons *glue *ruler School supply list now: *Clorox wipes *paper towels *Ziploc baggies Apparently they're teaching my kid to be a janitor or a drug dealer.