You Might Also Like

@WheelTod

[Traffic Stop]

Cop: Sir, please step out of the car

Me: But you said…

Cop: I said 3 minutes tops & you promised not to touch the siren.

@meganamram

It was definitely Adam and Steve – what kind of straight man hangs out in a garden??

@P1ssed_K1d

You know what a cubicle basically says? It says ‘We don’t think you’re smart enough for an office,but we don’t want you to look at anybody.’

@pixelatedboat

I hope people don’t turn against my comics after they find out about my extreme religious views (belief that only Italians get into heaven)

@sara_ashlynn

My teen yelled at me for not waking her up for school. She’s in the shower & I’m wondering when she realizes it’s Sunday. This is beautiful.

@CatherineLMK

How come when someone says “we need to talk” it’s never about ice cream or Star Wars?

@TheIronSherk

Welcome to ghosts anonymous. Nice to see such a spirited turnout.

*all of the ghosts boo in unison*

@cellapaz

sure, sex is good…but have you ever made a really efficient spreadsheet?