my wife bought a soap dispenser that says “pump” on the side, which is good. without instructions, i was going to smash it against the floor to try to get the soap out
Just want everyone to know this morning I won the argument I was having with someone in my head while in the shower. Feeling good about today
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Thanks to Twitter
I can tell people I read.
Interviewer: Why do you think you’d make a good waiter?
Me: (says nothing)
Interviewer: are you…waiting?
Interviewer: holy shit
Hell hath no fury like a woman who told you to kill a spider then realized you used her shoe
“Here taste this ” followed by a 32 minute speech on all the ingredients.
when i was in costa rica a waiter dropped off a bottle of ketchup unprompted so yes i have experienced racism as a white man
I am bored. Anyone need anything avenged?
“You made your bed now lay in it” doesn’t really sound like a punishment to me. I love laying in a freshly made bed.
And other 5am thoughts
You know that you’re officially lost when you turn down the car radio and take off your sunglasses.
When my wife wants my opinion, she’ll give it to me.