@ChaseMit: Just want to point out the NRA's plan to stop school shootings is literally the plot of Kindergarten Cop.
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@Sourcoast: Turkey bacon is a lot like normal bacon except that IT'S NOT AND IT NEEDS TO GO BACK TO HELL, WHERE IT CAME FROM.
@crow_death: I'm going to put my limbs into each corner of a fitted sheet and attempt to become a sugar glider.
@justokdane: tree: morning me: oh hey tree: yo lemme get a hit of that carbon dioxide bro me: [exhales on tree] tree: [leaves all shakin'] ooooh ya baby that's the stuff
@panmidwest: [roadtrip] ME: I need a bathroom break FRIEND: no stops for 2 hours, use that Gatorade bottle ME: um…ok...now how am I supposed to wipe?