@Prof_BrianCocks

K1: Frankincence
K2: Myrrh
K3: Gold
K1 & K2: WHAT?
K3: Gold
K1: We said £20 each!
K3: I..
K1: I hate you
K3: Wrap it from all of us?

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@just1fool

Right? That noise.

~Me pretending that I know what I’m talking about when I get my car serviced

@RxitWounds

[Sirens]
Dude open the door!

*barricading* How do i know you’re not 1 of them?! Were you bit?!

What?! Do you not know what a hurricane is?

@Jackson5toLife

I hope you never have to experience the loss of a child. Lotta paperwork.

@Crunk_Jews

So apparently when a woman asks what you’re looking for in a relationship, “a way out” isn’t the right answer.

@sethmeyers

I can’t personally remember an Olympics with better toilet reporting

@njlitigator

A good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the Judge.

@cschleichsrun

This summer, a rom-com dares to ask the question, “Can a 9 date an 8?”

@simoncholland

My daughter wants to be really scary this Halloween so instead of a costume she is going to carry a school fundraising packet to every door.