Right? That noise.
~Me pretending that I know what I’m talking about when I get my car serviced
K1 & K2: WHAT?
K1: We said £20 each!
K1: I hate you
K3: Wrap it from all of us?
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Dude open the door!
*barricading* How do i know you’re not 1 of them?! Were you bit?!
What?! Do you not know what a hurricane is?
I hope you never have to experience the loss of a child. Lotta paperwork.
me: my back hurts
doctor: have you tried voting
So apparently when a woman asks what you’re looking for in a relationship, “a way out” isn’t the right answer.
I can’t personally remember an Olympics with better toilet reporting
A good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the Judge.
This summer, a rom-com dares to ask the question, “Can a 9 date an 8?”
My daughter wants to be really scary this Halloween so instead of a costume she is going to carry a school fundraising packet to every door.
Seriously guys, people drive like shit when I’m tweeting