[town square in a thunderstorm]
Galileo: Thunderbolt and lightning very very frightening me.
His mom: Gallileo! Galileo!
Galileo Figaro!! *hands him an umbrella
Galileo: magnifico!! *gets big hug from mom*
Galileo: mama mia, mama mia let me go *looking around embarrassed*
Kangaroo: *takes baby out of pouch
Me: *takes chapstick out of fanny pack
**simultaneous nods of respect**
You Might Also Like
7yo: Who’s older: you or dad?
7: Then how come you look older?
Me: Santa’s not real.
It’s only a restroom if you fall asleep in the stall.
Me to waiter: “I’m eating for 2.”
Waiter: “Oh, you’re pregnant?”
Me: “No, my sister was supposed to meet me here, but she can’t make it.”
Wife-CAN YOU CLEAN UP?
Me-*Quietly mutters- I don’t work for you!
3-*runs out of room yelling-
DADDY SAYS HE DOESN’T WORK FOR YOU!
okay, so you’re definitely the best at keeping your body completely still, what do you want, atrophy?
Me: I’ll have the steak
Waiter: how do you like it
Me: idk I haven’t eaten it yet
Roommate has date coming by later and asked me to clean bc he’s not home. So I made a Princess D shrine in his room
I often confuse reptiles and amphibians. Actually, if I’m being brutally honest, they pretty much never know what I’m talking about
ALIEN: You Earthlings have many technological advances. How do you predict the weather?
ME: We pull a rodent out of a box.